Stress – Kill It before It Kills You! NISSMAT Podcast – Must Watch

Good morning, good afternoon and good evening to all the viewers. Today we have a very interesting topic, which is stress — kill it or it'll kill you. I am Major General D. K. Ma. I was commissioned in 1972 in the regiment, in the Rajputana Rifles. I've had seven tenures in J&K along the line of control, the international border, and also in the counter insurgency area. I commanded the brigade of the strike corps during Op Brasstacks, and I commanded a mountain division in the east.

As far as staff postings and staff appointments are concerned, I have had staff tenures at all levels, that is the battalion, the brigade, the division, the corps command and also the army headquarters. I retired after 37 years of service as the chief of staff of the desert corps. And to add one more thing, I'm the third generation in the army. I had the distinction of raising the first information warfare cell for the Indian army.

Today we have a very seasoned and a renowned speaker, Mr. S. Paling. Mr. Cal Singh is the president of NISSMAT, that is National Institute of Security, Safety, Management and Applied Technology. He joined the police force in 1962. He is alumni of the prestigious National Police Academy of Hyderabad, the advanced course. He has the distinction of raising the Rapid Action Force, which was meant for anti-communal riots, and he was a chief of the thing. For distinguished service he got a number of awards: he got a President's Police Medal for distinguished service, Indian Police Medal for meritorious service, police special duty medal and Sena Medal that is given to the army. After retirement, he was the security personality of the year, presented by the president of India for the global security conference.

Mr. Sepal Singh, may I request you to speak on this important subject of stress. Stress is one which is, I think, common to all, be it the students, the corporate world, and the armed forces like the police and the armed forces — it is universal. How can we do — what are the reasons for the stress which manifests in the present day environment?

Thank you very much, General, for the very fine introduction. I'll straight away start with the subject. Today's subject, as you indicated, is stress — kill it before it kills you. Very interesting subject indeed. Now the stress management as such — first of all we must understand what is stress management, because if stress kills it before it kills you, then you must manage the stress. Now, meaning of stress management is there, but the question is the meaning of stress is all about making some changes in your managing, how to manage stress. Managing stress is all about making some changes in your thought process, in your emotions, in the schedule of your working, in your environment, so that you do not get stressed.

It also involves how to deal with problems. This how to deal with problems is one of the ways — how to deal with a problem, I'll come to that. That is a management. The management also involves — the ultimate aim of the management is to take charge of your thoughts, to take charge of your emotions, to take charge of your environment, so that you are not killed by the stress. However, I must mention that there's not only one size fit — you just give this and the size is fit and you will manage your stress — there's no one size fit solution to stress management. It is important to experiment and find out what works best for you. Something may best work for somebody, something must work for other. So you have to see what works best for you.

Taking charge of your thoughts is well said than actually realized. Taking charge of your emotions, taking charge of your scheduled work, taking charge of your environments — not only it is said to be ways of managing, but it is a very difficult way of managing. One can say like that it should be done, but it is very, very difficult. However, with the passage of time, sir, you will realize that with the passage of time you are able to yourself come to one way or two ways whereby you feel, all right, this is the way I can manage my stress. You look closely at yourself, what attribute, what attitude you have, then try to identify and then try to ascertain what is really stressing you. I mean, if you see your stress and then you try to see how to manage it. That is what I'm saying — the stress as such, the techniques are various, but there's no one size fit solution. It has to be managed by you, and you have to go here and there, and after that you evolve at something where you think the things — I can manage the stress.

So you know, now it is manifestation all over India — students are under stress for the exams, after the exams they're looking for a job, that's again a stress, and in the corporate world the pressure of work is so heavy, they're running to meet the deadlines. So I think one of the reasons, as in the senior, in the management level, or even in the armed force, in the police — we have to have a very harmonious sort of an environment.

When we are talking about the army or the armed forces or police, this is one aspect of your life, that is where you are serving your right. But in general, stress is everywhere, not only in these armed forces — stress is everywhere, and the management has to be decided by yourself. I'll tell you one by one. Supposing you want to identify what is your level of stress. So normally they say, normally it is said that there are three or four, you can say four A's — A, B, C, the four A's. One is, first is avoid people who stress you. You avoid people who stress you. Try to cross out the people, or cross out even the topics which stress you in daily life. Of course, you should communicate. I'm not saying that you don't communicate with people. I am also not saying that you don't talk to people. But try to have a position where you are able to avoid those people and avoid the topics which stress you. This is the first A.

The second A is alter the situation. That is, if you are in a situation — you are being stressed in a situation — you try to alter the situation, that is, changing the way you communicate. You are talking something, you get into laughter or something, you try to change the way of communication you daily operate in your life, and at times you are able to alter your situation. When you're dealing with somebody, in your relative, and you feel that you are getting stressed, you always change and alter the situation so that the stress level is — of course, you should communicate, I am again saying there's no question of not communicating — but after you have realized that you are in a stressed situation. First I told you that try to avoid the situation, and second is adapt to a stress session. Avoiding, if it's not possible — let us say you are not able to avoid a relative, let us say you are not able to avoid a friend — then avoiding that particular stress situation is not possible, then adaption is possible. You are not avoiding that — adapt.

The second A is adapt. First is avoid, the second is adapt. Now, adapt to stressful situation. It again is regain control of yourself by changing your own expectation. You expect something and you feel that expectations are not to your extent, so you try to adapt yourself. All right, if I am not able to get the full meal, let me take half of it. So adapt yourself to the stressful situation and try to practice a gratitude sort of thing to the things which you are getting. So therefore this will remind your stress. The third, another very, very interesting way of this avoiding stress is that somehow or other, some people, they want to accept the situation. The third is accept. First is avoid, second is alter, third is adapt, and ultimately they said accept, if you're not able.

Would it be prudent to say, firstly, what you mentioned very correctly — self assessment, that's the point. Secondly, the aspiration levels are very high of the people, young people in particular. There has to be a mix between the aspiration of what you aspire to be and the ground realities. I think that's one of the reasons — that could be one of the reasons for mitigation of stress, sir.

So we always adapt in the family circumstances. When you are in stress you adapt, also you cannot avoid the family member, you adapt yourself to particular situation. And then I said, if you are not able to adapt also, and not able to alter, then accept the situation, accept it. So you are accepting these things — at least you have accepted, but at least your stress level is reduced. This — to express and share your feelings with people. On the other hand, there are four ways I have talked separately, but other ways — that you try to share your feeling, you try to share and express your feeling with other people whom you like, and do a lot of things — this is a situation, how do I do — not that they are going to give you some advice which will fit everywhere, but at least it will reduce your stress. Sharing a stress is a great catharsis, social interaction.

Catharsis — catharsis is a word which is used in literature. When Shakespeare started writing plays, the people — sometimes they were very, very tragic or semi-tragic situations, people start crying. People say, what's this — after crying you feel lighter. This is called, they said, after crying your emotions are discharged totally. You have cried, your emotions are out, with the result that you get elevated. All tragedies — all tragedies in life have got a level of emotional discharge. That is what is called in literature catharsis. That is, wherever you feel — why do you like a tragedy? You go to see a tragedy picture, but you like it because in that particular thing, when you are seeing a tragedy, you're trying to give expression to your own stress session. You're letting the session, your stress, out.

So that letting the stress out, by crying or by dropping a few tears from your eyes — it is not totally crying — it gives you that thing which is, use the word catharsis in English literature. That is very important point. Catharsis is a purgation. Purgation — you understand purgation. You know, just like you have got a very, very tight stomach and you want to have a purgative. So the catharsis is a purgation. That is how you have a purgation and you feel your tummy is all right. So the purgation is the catharsis, and that purgation of stress is possible only if you are able to have that — you align yourself almost. So you see a tragedy and you see somebody is killed, and you feel it is almost — you reflect that, oh, somebody was killed in our family like that — you start crying, with the result that after that crying there is a state of elevation. I mean, your stress level has gone and you feel absolutely at equilibrium.

So therefore they say catharsis — the best management as far as the stress — you are not able to adapt, you are not able to alter, you are not able to adjust, stress continues — then have a catharsis, have an emotional outburst, and with the result that you reach out and connect with other people who like you, and you may be able to help someone also. You may be able to help someone — this also is a sort of catharsis. You may like to have a shot of gup, sitting with somebody — after that, catharsis. You like to have some fun and relaxation from time to time. All your stress levels — before the stress kills you, you have killed the stress. So that is why I said it is not that easy, but it is also possible. It is in the state of mind.

Sir, I agree with you. I find that some more aspects which come into my mind for mitigation of stress is relaxation. You just mentioned meditation is one, you know, it helps. Getting into a hobby, some hobby which breaks your daily routine and monotony — I think those factors also could help in reducing the stress, sir.

Absolutely. Recently some studies have been conducted on reducing the stress level with meditation, and now they have given a positive result. If you go there, they have conducted a full-fledged experiment on this for days and months together in hospital. When a person is in meditation, they have put some sort of instrument on his head, and after that they have come to know that he is reducing the stress level. His meditation gives him peace, which means — what word you are saying, that's right — that meditation has given you peace. Why? Because you are able to divert your attention somewhere — your mental attention from stress to meditation, to God, to almighty, whatever is — whether there is a god or not, that is not the — the experiments conducted indicate that there are a lot of cases where they have put some instrument on their head, and after that, 15 minutes, 20 minutes meditation, they have found during that stage that the vibration which is going to the head, they're bringing that peace to you. They're bringing that sort of, you know, attitude of lessness.

You see, there is a saying in the poem, that is on the solitude — solitude. The people in solitude, you feel very bad, but the sages have seen, the hermits have seen, bliss in solitude. You see, some people said, and they went there — where is that bliss the sages have seen in thy face? Oh solitude. Somebody went and questioned the solitude — oh solitude, where is that bliss which the sages have seen in thy face? So he tells — the solitude tells — here is the place. You come, be with me. Sit down in solitude. See the chirping of the bird, see the froths. That will give you some solitude, and in that solitude you'll be able to have that less stressful situation.

Absolutely, absolutely, sir. You have to kill this stress by various means. I'll tell you some interesting things which I have studied in my life and also have experienced in some cases. Then there is a sort of — mental suffering can't be deeper and more difficult to heal than physical pain. There's another very interesting subject on which somebody has written. The mental suffering, of course, they are there, but they cannot be as deep, or they cannot be as difficult for you to manage as sometimes the physical pain. Even kings earlier used to have relief from emotions by calling jesters and clowns in their courts.

So therefore, to get out of stress, there are various very, very important things which have been said. And then, for example, in the case of Macbeth and in case of King Lear, the plays which have been written by Shakespeare — King Lear finds that there's emotional upheaval in his mind, the total emotional upheaval, because his daughters have turned him out of the house. In King Lear, he goes out. When he goes out, there is storm, heavy storm, hail, hailstorm, which means the inner reflection — the reflection of being in storm is being reflected by the poet, by Shakespeare, by outer storm. Which means the inner emotions have been turned into outer emotions, and the entire atmosphere is full of storm. The storm which king had inside is visible outside.

What I am trying to say — in times of stress we sometimes hate what will happen and all, but that is there. You have to think, in a modern meaning, they say prolonged anxiety or prolonged fear can turn into resentment. Sometimes you become resentful, because prolonged fear — every time you are fearful, every time you are resentful, every time you feel there's a stress — that makes you something like a tower of misery. You should not — or even you yourself start feeling that I am not able to recognize myself, I'm not able to break the cycle of stress. My submission is in this point of time that before stress kills you, you can kill it, as I said. The hobbies are there — lot of hobbies. People go for morning walk, people go for evening walk, people indulge in some hobbies. So there are various means by which you can reduce the level of stress, and therefore I feel, before the stress kills, it's important for all of us to think that we kill the stress.

The ways are very — things: you go for morning walk, you go shop, you sit down with people, you study, you go for sort of laughing, or you go to see a tragedy — more stressful, diversion of the mind. So therefore I am of the view that stress does kill you before you kill the stress, and therefore avoid building up stress. Adapt to stressful situation — if not immediately, gradually you will get adapted to it, and you will regain your control by changing your own expectation, because your expectations are causing you stress. You change your expectation, your level of stress will get reduced. So this is how I feel about stress. You have any other questions, please come on.

Yeah, you're actually right, sir. I mean, I have done a lot — I can only talk for the armed forces, since I've served for 37 years, and there you see in high intensity areas, sir, the stress is caused to the officers and the men both — is the uncertainty of health and injury. Second aspect which again manifests there amongst the ranks is, you see, all these people in the high intensity areas, they have left the families behind, the wives and the children behind. Earlier it was written by writing letters — you take anything too much to get a reply back — but now with the mobile phones, you know, the problems get exacerbated, and that causes a lot of stress. So at a senior managerial level, in the civil state and the armed forces, one has to keep a very close watch on the aspect — what are they, how are the stress being exhibited by the men — and find ways to stop it.

So I thank you very much for this talk on stress. It's a very important subject in the present environment, I said, right from the students right to the top. It could be student, it could be while in service, it could be aspirations, it's financial — any amount of thing you talk of gives risk. Thank you very much for the talk, sir.

Very kind of you. Thank you very much for calling me here. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.